Same-day waste removal is usually possible if you enquire before midday, and the borough we're visiting has a crew already returning that afternoon. Here's how to make sure you get one.

Step 1 — send a photo. The single biggest delay is misquoting the volume over the phone. If you send a photo on WhatsApp we can quote in under 5 minutes, and if the price is agreed we can slot you straight in.

Step 2 — tell us the access. Stairs only? Lift? How many floors? CPZ restrictions? None of these are deal-breakers, but they change which crew we send.

Step 3 — clear the route. If the van has to squeeze past a parked car, or up a narrow alley, or the corridor is blocked by Amazon boxes, we're not going anywhere fast. Clear the line of sight.

Step 4 — be there to pay, or pay in advance by card. No one likes chasing payment on the doorstep, and crews run on schedule.

That's the whole process. 9 times out of 10, from the moment the WhatsApp message goes out, we're there and gone in under 3 hours. The slots we fill fastest are rubbish removal in Clapham, waste clearance in Balham and garden waste removal in Putney.